Marriage Check-In For A New Season

Does your marriage need a check-in?

I am a firm believer that in order to have a healthy marriage, it takes intentionality, time, and thorough communication. Having time to assess your marriage’s health is essential to a healthy marriage! If you don’t know take an inventory of your marriage, how can you know how healthy your marriage is?

I may be slightly addicted to fresh starts and evaluating things, but I like to think it’s helpful! If you missed our article about taking a fall inventory for yourself, read it here.  We also have a FREE YEARLY VISION TEMPLATE to help you organize your relationships this year. Make sure you check it out!

Let’s get started on our marriage check-in!

Step 1 For A Marriage Check-In: Start With A Conversation

Ask your spouse what they think is going well in your marriage and what could be better.  Get feedback about how you can be a better wife or husband to them.  Ask them what changes they’d like to see in your marriage this season.  Compare notes and see where you agree and where there may be an opportunity for further discussion.

Prioritize Your Marriage

Do you have set times for meaningful conversations and experiences with your spouse?  This means there should be something on the calendar on a regular basis, preferably a short time to connect daily and a large chunk of time weekly.  This could look different depending on your season of life.  Here are a few ideas:

1. Weekly Dates:

This DOES NOT have to mean you go to a fancy restaurant for dinner every Friday night (although there’s nothing wrong with that plan!)  Create time each week for meaningful conversation and experiences.  This can be eating dinner after the kids go to bed together for some uninterrupted conversation. It can even be a movie night or a game night!

Here are a few ideas for you to spend some quality time together:

Game Night

Here are a few of our favorite board games just for fun:

• Exploding Kittens (I know, I know, don’t be turned off by the name. It’s super fun!)
• Settlers of Catan
• Ticket to Ride
• Pandemic (Hits a little close to home now, though)
• Jumanji (Any Jumanji movie fans out there? We snagged this for my birthday one year and it is SO FUN)

Movie Night

We are working our way through the Avengers movies now, and I love them! I was NOT a big superhero fan growing up, but these movies are soooo good. Feel free to leave some of your favorite movie recommendations in the comments!

Whatever you do, MAKE SURE IT IS ON THE CALENDAR. There’s something about putting it in writing that makes it more likely to happen.

Learn A New Skill Together

My husband and I both LOVE learning (which must be why we went to grad school. If I’m being honest, I’d be a lifelong student if I could!) We are natural critical thinkers, innovators, and creators. Maybe it’s cooking, trying a new athletic event, or whatever sounds fun to you!   

Read A Book Together

Read through a book together and take 5 minutes each night to talk about what you read. Grow in your knowledge together!

Take A Walk Together

The conversation seems to flow better when you’re moving (especially for the men in the room) so try taking a walk to get the conversation going. Even the times I don’t feel incredibly social, if we are walking and talking, I end up enjoying the company and conversation alike. If you’ve got small kids in the home, stick them in the stroller for a walk while the two of you share the time together.

2. Work On Your Friendship

Make your spouse your best friend who knows all the details of your life.  Your spouse should be your first call in your victories and your losses.  They should be the person that you go the deepest with emotionally. Be each other’s number one encouragers!  Celebrate each other’s victories!  Brainstorm ways you can grow your friendship in your marriage.

3. Sacrifice For One Another 

A miserable marriage is one where both people are trying to GET the most while GIVING the least.  Are you putting the needs of your spouse ahead of your own? As you go through your day today, think of ways you can practically put your spouse first. Take notes if you need to!

4. Grow In Your Walk With Jesus Together 

If you’re a Christian couple, you should have set rhythms of following Jesus together.  Whether it’s reading the Bible together, praying together, serving in church together, etc., make sure your spouse plays an integral role in your walk with Christ.  If you don’t have set rhythms, don’t feel bad!  Pick one way you can start encouraging each other in your relationship with Jesus today. 

5. Check Your Intimacy Health

If we’re talking about doing a marriage check-in, we also have to talk about sex.  Have an open conversation about sexual intimacy and any concerns or unmet expectations there may be.  Open communication is key to a healthy sex life in marriage.

Identify any barriers to sexual intimacy in your marriage and take steps to remove them.  Humbly consider any sensitivities regarding this topic that your spouse may have and how it affects their ability to engage with you in this way.  Taking care of your spouse’s emotional needs (especially for women) and having a healthy friendship directly impact how you relate to each other sexually. 

Favorite Marriage Resources:

Check out these marriage resources that we love!

Books:

• The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller. There’s also a workbook that you can get to go with the book!
• The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I think we bring up love languages on a weekly basis in this household. This is definitely a foundational book for marriage!
• The Rhythm of Us by Chris and Jenni Graebe. I can’t tell you how much I love their recommendations and practical marriage rhythms!
• Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta

Podcasts:

• Rhythms for Life Podcast: They just did a series on marriage and family! Check out these episodes: Episode 130: Beautiful Marriages Just Don’t Happen, Episode 132 Let’s Talk About Sex, Episode 134 Honoring Each Other’s Strengths, and Episode 138 Fortify Your Marriage.
• Java With Juli Podcast: All things, sex, relationships, healing from sexual trauma and beyond. Dr. Juli is one of my favorite resources for issues of sex and intimacy.

Thanks for reading along on how to do a marriage check-in! I’m praying it helps bring life to your relationships this year.

Free Stuff

Make sure to download our Yearly Vision Template to give you a great way to organize your relationships this year. It’s been so helpful for our marriage and family! Grab it here.